There were 21 couples who attended this first virtual Pre-Marriage Course in the Parish of St Mary’s, Sandakan from 4th to the 20th of October 2021. This course prepares every engaged couple who wants to get married sacramentally and as well as couples who desire that their union be solemnized in the Catholic Church before making an appointment with their Parish Priests. Couples are encouraged to attend this course, one (1) year prior to their marriage. This is to help them discover themselves and their partners and together build strong foundations for their future in a smart loving way.
Designed to be conducted over eight (8) alternate sessions at night, the couple mentors share openly their lived experiences while using the Couple Workbook. A vibrant three (3) hours interactive session does not only make this Course just a relationship experience but a Sacramental formation that integrates the Catholic theology of marriage.
The day without session is used to reflect on the ‘At Home Activities’ to give an opportunity for the couple to practice the skills taught in each session before proceeding to the next topic. This activity also reinforces positive-style habits and encourages them to take up responsibility for nurturing their relationship. A variety of practical tools highlight potential problems and how to handle them help to deepen the couple’s intimacy, character formation, and faith.
Here are some of the contributions shared by those who have attended the course.
Stephanie from Sarawak and Bryan from Kota Kinabalu
Stephanie: The most useful thing for me is the tool L.I.F.E, which teaches us to be an effective communicator and how to manage my emotion. I am also grateful to learn about conflict management and the value of sex as a liturgy. During this course, our relationship become stronger and I felt closer to my fiancé. We are able to practice good emotional management and communication techniques if there is a misunderstanding.
Bryan: There are many things I never thought of in entering a married life such as body language, a non-verbal form of communication, and how to express my love effectively. But the most challenging topic for me was financial management. It turns out that getting a joint decision was a huge challenge because each has their own opinion. However, this course gave me the awareness and tools to equip us in our relationship in the future. Stop-Reflect-Connect is one of the important tools in handling conflicts which is inevitable and need to be resolved in a peaceful way by both parties. Although we experienced unstable internet reception, I feel satisfied with what was presented by all the mentors throughout the course.
Chrislenos from Telupid and Alice from Sandakan
Chrislenos: In this course, I learned many new things especially getting to know my partner better. But the most challenging yet beneficial content of this course is on managing finances. I chose all the practical tools given as they will have a lot of influence on our married life later.
Alice: I find the most challenging content of this course is getting to know myself and my partner. I learn to accept and love myself as I am, as well as take the past as a valuable experience for the future. Using practical tools such as L.I.F.E, listening with the heart, and Natural Fertility Awareness is important in marriage because they can definitely help in solving any issues or problems that we will face.
George Ryan from Tawau and Anna Theresa from Sandakan
George Ryan: I find the most useful content of this course was to know myself better which I was not even aware of. All the practical tools given can help build a happy family because it shows us the way on how to solve problems in a good and effective way.
Anna Theresa: The most challenging part for me was how to honestly and respectfully express my deepest feelings with my partner. The ‘love letter’ activity was great. Daily appreciation and shared prayer for me are very important to appreciate my partner and to remind us that in a relationship Jesus should be at the centre of our lives.
Vincent Hii and Yvonne Chua
Vincent Hii: The most challenging in this course is language. As Catholics, from a very young age, we always attend Holy Mass in Chinese. Although I am not well versed in Malay, this did not stop me from learning new knowledge especially the Catholic faith and understanding of marriage.
The most useful knowledge I found in this course was about financial management. For now, I manage my own finances and buy whatever I want. But after getting married, we need to plan our finances as a team. This is one of the responsibilities of a husband and wife.
I chose L.I.F.E, Emotional Communion, and Stop-Reflect-Connect as important tools. Sometimes we have different views that are likely to result in us quarrelling. By using these tools, I was able to use effective ways to calm our strongest emotions.
Yvonne Chua: Belonging to a non-Christian family, I feel so grateful to have the opportunity to get married in the Catholic Church. I was given exposure to how marriage is in the Roman Catholic context. The value of respecting and cherishing each other helped me to understand how a man and a woman relate to love differently from each other.
As a woman, I find it hard to express a thought, and this thought though simple may be difficult to be understood by him. Through this course, my partner knows more about how to take care of my feelings as well as respect my views.
Communication with my partner, managing our finances to the Natural Fertility method, had given me a clearer insight into my responsibilities as a wife. The Roman Catholic Church, through the organisers, had given me the impression that they are very concerned about this marriage process. So, I feel more secure in the permanence of the marriage with my partner.
Aaron from Sandakan and Magdalena from Telupid
Aaron: I find Natural Fertility management as the most challenging while financial management as the most helpful. This course taught me how to handle our emotions if a misunderstanding arises.
In my opinion, all the practical tools are very important because they help make the marriage intact and lasting. It also strengthens the love between us as we understand each other deeply. The knowledge of marital issues and intimacy can be an advantage before entering into marriage.
Magdalena: I find ‘handling my emotion’ the most challenging. It is helpful when there is an argument and unable to control one’s emotions to think rationally. Managing our finances and the use of L.I.F.E in communication are very useful tools in our daily life. Basically, all the practical tools strengthen relationships, better understand each other, and have spiritual fruit in relationships. After the course, I am prepared to receive the Sacrament of Marriage and its sanctity.
In that same week after the course, a penitential service was held in the St Mary’s Cathedral by Rev Fr David Garaman and Rev Fr Stephen Esguerra to close the whole course. As David says “Create in me a clean heart, against You, You only have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be proved right when you speak and blameless when you judge” Psalm 51:4